i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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