I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
