is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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