Just cropdusted the office
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
