I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
