can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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