your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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