you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
