she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
