member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
My vagina just clenched in fear
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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