My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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