Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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