it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
The power of my boobs compel you
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize