I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
