I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
