Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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