ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Randomize
