i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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