The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
