i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
The beers last night were like the tears from god
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
