Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
