if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
