when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
