1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
