If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize