it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
