I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
