Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
