just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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