I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Who wears a wallet chain?!
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
