marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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