mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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