does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
