I want to have your abortion
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
