I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
