Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
