Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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