What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
