and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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