Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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