HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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