I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize