gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
