He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
