He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
