so that wasnt chicken after all
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
