dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
so much tequila, so little girl.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
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