If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
did you just send me my own nude
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
