No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
