you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
