Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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