It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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