there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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