Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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