Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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