she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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