I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize