You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Randomize