i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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