Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
