is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
