census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
