I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
her facebook's as public as her vagina
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
