i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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