he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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