I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
