I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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