SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
