thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
