I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
