Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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