I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
