He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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