How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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