If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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