Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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