please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
