What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
