This is not my ceiling
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize