Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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