At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
