There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
