i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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